Why I Became a Fireman

Paul Zaic

       A fireman is a very noble thing to be. They said, You’re too short to be a fireman, Marty, and really, what service do you think you’re providing the world as a short fireman with a master’s degree in nothing-in-particular, and to that I said, Phooey. Have you seen the fires lately? They’re getting worse, the fires. It takes all kinds, these fires do.
       A fireman is a series of decisions made by a child. I was a child, and so I made a series of decisions, noble decisions, and so here I am putting out fires. They said, You seem very enthusiastic about this, Marty, and I like that in a fireman, enthusiasm, I really do, but what I also like in a fireman—what I really look for as a key attribute—is the ability to pick me up and carry me, and looking at you, Marty, looking at me, I don’t think you could pick me up and carry me—not down stairs, not down much of anything at all, come to think of it—and that worries me, Marty. Stick to the books they said. Phooey.
       A fireman is a person who hates fire and all that it represents. They said, Let it burn, Marty, let it burn, it was never worth anything anyhow, Marty, we were living a lie in that house, Marty, a fresh start we could have. You could call up old Ned Brighton at the old firm and see about your old job; that old Ned Brighton, you could call him up, they said.
       A fireman would never, ever call up old Ned Brighton at the old firm, Barbara. A fireman hates fire and all that it represents. A fireman is a series of decisions made by a child. A fireman is a very noble thing to be.